The Chinese Room

People need to stop having intellectual conversations over the internet. Like, seriously.

For your entertainment.

That seems like an interesting movie.

I think I might download and watch it tonight.

Oh wait, I think that's illegal.

Well no one from the authorities is watching me.

And the chances of me getting arrested is zero.

I can do anything if no one is watching!

But I didn't steal the dollar note that the man dropped on the pavement the other day.

Obviously, because it wouldn't be right.

But why is my conscience not kicking in now?

Maybe it's because I'm in the comfort and privacy of my own room.

Or maybe because everyone is doing it.

Enough pondering and let the entertainment begin!

Ten.

Ah, music, what my life would've been without it is not a question to be asked.

Below is a list of ten of the greatest songs played during my childhood, along with the stories behind them.

10. The Beatles - Twist and shout

Played for the first time during a cousin's birthday party in which I was being forced by my mom to dance with a pretty girl, this song has been one of my all time favourites ever since. Sometimes singing the lyrics out into the world when no one's watching, it might take an eternity before the song is forgotten.

9. America - Horse with no name

There is something about simple repetitive strumming of an acoustic throughout an entire song that is just so addicting. This was the song played the most when we used to travel from Riyadh to Dammam. What's more is that the lyrics could be related to a person travelling on foot inside Saudi Arabia. While peering out the window into the endless desert, this song could be imagined being played in the background even when it was not being played on the car radio player.

8. AC/DC - TNT

Included in the soundtrack of a video game I used to play, this track immediately stood out from the others. It was also the song that led me to falling in love with this band. Listening to it now reminds me of when this song was sung together by us brothers while playing its multi-player. Oh the sibling rivalry.

7. Bob Seger - Old time rock n' roll

Rock and roll, just like the old times. Performed by an artist who's face was strikingly similar to one of my uncle's, this great song has been chained to my mind for God knows how long. One of the songs I used to love to listen to with my dad, it can only be referred to as a classic.

6. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Down on the corner

Sometimes a song is played which you simple cannot resist singing along with. This is one of those songs. With a catchy melody and simple lyrics, this was one of the songs that would be played over and over and over again until someone from the family finally lost it.

5. Billy Joel - The entertainer

Billy Joel, my idol back then. Knew every single one of his songs in those days. The entertainer is by far one of his best. The rhymes being so ridiculously fun to listen to they could be compared with the greatest of nursery rhymes, this song should not be missed.

4. Smash Mouth - All star

While not old enough to be considered a classic, this amazing song would be heard on almost every animated TV show I would watch. No matter how old you are, listening to this will bring you back to the good old days when there were no responsibilities, when you were a kid.

3. Foreigner - Jukebox hero

Unique in almost every way you can imagine, this song is where I experienced my first ever spontaneous head-bang. It talks about an individual, who has never touched a guitar, buying one, practicing how to play it and ultimately transforming into a 'Jukebox hero'. Very motivational and a great tune.

2. Harry Chapin - Cats in the cradle

Referred to as the 'greatest song of all time' by my dad, this song will without a doubt be with me till my very last day. Mostly about the lyrics and less about the music, listening to it from the beginning to the end just once is enough to bring a tear to your eye. Cats in the cradle is simply one of a kind.

1. Europe - The final countdown

Maybe it's the perfect syth intro, maybe it's the powerful chorus, or maybe it's the surprisingly fast solo near the end that makes this song one of the best, if not the best song to have ever been written. Ever. Back when cassettes were used instead of CDs, I actually stole the tape from my dad's collection so I could play it on my Walkman cassette player which I got for my birthday. Listening to just a few bits of this song gives 'the feeling'. When left alone in the car, I would always be found listening to this song on max while staring blankly into space. The epic-est of the epic, The Final Countdown is the song that defines my childhood.

The naked truth.

[Don't read if you're under 16, or if you can't handle sexual talk]

It's 1:30am, I'm supposed to be asleep and I have an exam in a few hours. But I just feel compelled to ask you this one question:

Why are people offended by nudity so much more than they are by violence?

Set all the religious reasons aside. It just doesn't make sense. Consider it this way; we all get to, errr, do 'that', at least once in our lives when we're the suitable age. They're our own bodies, it's all natural. But most of us don't get to brutally beat a living person now, do we?

An example: I'm watching TV. The scenario is very frightening. Strange creatures are attacking a woman. She has her limbs torn off, neck twisted 270 degrees and her internal organs ripped out straight through her chest. The whole scene is depicted in an extremely graphic way. My parents walk in, they see what's on, make a disgusted face and walk away.

I'm watching TV once again. This time, the scenario is quite peaceful. A woman is in her bedroom, she's changing her clothes. They show her slowly take off her clothes, and then her undergarments. Her entire body is shown. At this point, my parents walk in. What would their reaction be? And why?

Don't you see the irony?

Oh, so fruity.

My dad brings oranges,

I like oranges,

Sometimes they have no seeds inside,

I eat 5, daily with pride,

But sometimes seeds are concealed within,

I eat none, for the win.

-

That is all.

Beta ye mera aik customer hai.

My parents have returned. The house is peaceful now. Hooray.

-

Man. I really like my dad. He knows everyone. no matter what country we're in, he's bound to run into someone he knows personally.

Summer 2003: Dubai. We're in the Wild Wadi water park. We're taking a break, having slushies, when my dad notices another guy on the nearby table. Soon, we're all sitting on the same table, talking and laughing. He was with his wife, and his wife was in a bikini. Awkward, I know.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2004: Thailand. We're eating pineapple pizza (we had no choice) in The Pizza Company restaurant. A guy passes by us, steps back, and greets us. And for the next 10 minutes he's sitting on our table gossiping with my dad. The next day, we go to his house. He has a son who's name was too unusual for me to remember.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2004: Singapore. We're in a science museum of some sort. Me and my dad are putting our hands inside a man-made tornado because we think it's fun. A guy grabs my dad by the shoulder and jerks him around. Suddenly, there's a lot of laughing.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Winter 2008: Bahrain. We're getting ready for a paint ball war. I'm putting on my armour. My brothers are ready. I'm ready. But dad is missing. We wait 5 minutes, then go out to see him chatting with a stranger. We are introduced to him. The next day, we go Go-karting with him.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2009: Malaysia. We're praying in a random mosque on a small street. When the namaz is over, the guy behind me calls to my dad. They shake hands, and suddenly they're exchanging words for 10 minutes.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Today: Riyadh. We're in the food court of the Faisaliyah Mall. Suddenly a dude shows up with 2 shorter dudes and shakes hands with all of us. They sit down with us, and there is constant talking for ONE WHOLE HOUR.

When asked who they were, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera customers hain."

So that's my dad, Gulfguard international sales manager. Travelling the world, meeting new people.

Also, I find it strange that this never happens when we're in Pakistan.

Hmmm.

Junk food fo' life.

...

...

...

... Sorry followers, I have to eat my Big Mac. I shall blog after a while.

*5 minutes later*

I have been eating nothing but junk food for the past 5 days. My parents left for Pakistan on Sunday to attend a wedding. Did you know that I haven't been to a wedding for 15 years? I'm not even exaggerating.

So yeah. Everyday, I have to get my ass off the chair where I sit doing nothing and go to some fast food restaurant to get the healthiest, most nutritional type of food ever created in existence. Fried, extremely oily, and packed with enough Cholesterol to give 3 octogenarians a heart attack in 3 seconds. The simple fried chicken burger.

But who wants chicken? Try fried beef! Not satisfied? Try fried fish! Or why not, a shawarma? I have been having all these for lunch and dinner for the past 5 days. And nothing else.

Junk food fo' life man.

I have brothers to take care of too. Sucks. Yeah. Responsibilities... *Sigh*

I've taken the position of my parents. Both of them.

From my father's side, I have to go out to get the groceries, I have to go to Mobily to pay our cellphone bills, and I have to settle the issue of our driver living with another driver in the same room... Hah. Wait, nevermind.

From my mother's side, I have to wash the dishes, I have to iron our clothes, and I have to do the frikkin laundry. Do you have any idea what that's like? Don't even say anything, you probably don't. Unless if you're a girl.

The bright side. I finally get to understand what my parents have to go through almost every single day of their lives. Just for their children. We are a family of 7. We are 2 parents, 4 brothers and 1 sister. How many families do you know personally with this amount of people? It gets tough. Real tough. But we all manage to go through.

All the trouble we cause for our parents just by existing here, on earth. I understand. I understand all of it. If only they knew about it.

Respect. They deserve respect. A lot of it. It's time I give it to them.