Friday, 3 December 2010

Why the Japanese are awesome




What you have above is the most epic soundtrack in gaming history, and 90% of the reason I always played this game. Blowing my other favourites Chase theme from Assassin's Creed and Snake Eater from Metal Gear Solid 3 out of the water.


Animes and totally messed up commercials aren't the only reason the Japanese are awesome.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Random post with random thoughts at random intervals

You know what pisses me off? When people ask questions like, "What is love?" and, "Does love even exist or is it our imagination?"


Firstly, people should be spending their free time asking themselves questions with much more significance and ones that will prove useful in the future, such as:

  • How will I play CoD4 online during the load shedding hours?
  • If I have already used up my smoke grenade, how will I rush around the corner and avoid being sniped?
  • What tactic should I use in a 1-on-5 situation to ensure an ace?
  • Does this map have any Defense-to-Attack spawn wall-bang spots left to discover?
  • Can I get a collateral shot in the beginning for an added advantage?
  • Why did I waste money on that failed abortion of a video game known as Black Ops?
Secondly, love is an emotion, just like joy, sadness, fear and anger. Nothing more, nothing less. People fall in love with the opposite sex (or same sex). Mothers love their sons and brothers love their sisters. The other emotions require no deep thinking, so why does love?

You know those people who keep posting 'interesting facts'? And keep posting them, and posting them, and posting them. No, I don't really have a problem with that. But when they start posting facts that they haven't even verified, that ticks me off. No, the Great Wall of China is not the only man-made structure that can be seen from the moon, oh smart one. Moreover, there is gravity in outer space, saying there is no gravity in outer space is entirely wrong. Cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis. And goldfish do not have 3-second memory, for God's sake man. Doesn't anyone watch the Discovery Channel?!

Speaking of Goldfish, there is this theory about distorted realities. 
A goldfish dwelling in a bowl will have a distorted view of the outside world throughout it's lifetime due to the curve of the bowl. An object moving in a straight line would appear to move in a curve from the goldfish's distorted frame of reference. Assuming the goldfish is an intelligent creature, the goldfish could derive formulae to predict the motion of the moving object, even though it seems to move in a curve, and it would still hold true - since the real motion of the object will never be observed by the goldfish. What gives us the right to say our reality is not distorted as well?

Got that from a book I read once. Bonus points to anyone who can figure out which one it is. 

Maybe we live in a dust speck too, and some day Horton out there is going to hear a Who.

T-Fact of the day: I've never heard Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple. Too lazy to search it up. I know exactly what it sounds like though, since it's opening riff is the first thing every person with a guitar tries to learn, for unknown reasons. Have a tonne of their songs though. This is no joke. I haven't.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Quote of the Day

When life gives you lemons - don't make lemonade.
Play Cod4.

Wise words never spoken.

Monday, 15 November 2010

Retrospect.

The first few lines of the Black Ops trailer:

A lie is a lie
Just because they write it down and call it history doesn't mean it happened
We live in a world where seeing is not believing
Where only a few know what really happened
We live in a world where everything you know.. is wrong.

This is exactly what I've been asking myself for almost a decade - no exaggeration. 

Really, what if our history books never actually tell us what really happened? What if it's smokes and mirrors and a bundle of cheap tricks? 

This is for the record: History is written by the victor. History is filled with liars. If he lives and we die, his truth becomes written - and ours is lost. Shepherd will be a hero. 'Cause all you need to change the world is one good lie and a river of blood. He's about to complete the greatest trick a liar ever played on history... But only if he lives, and we die.
- Captain Price.

Ok, Infinity Ward, you can stop reading my mind now.

Maybe it wasn't Hitler who led the Holocaust. Maybe it was your great grandfather. Yes, your great grandfather.

Maybe Napoleon never used to do the hand-in-waistcoat gesture. Maybe he used to put his hand inside his pants, instead.

And maybe Charles Darwin wasn't even a naturalist. Maybe he was a pimp, usually found cruising the strip for some hoes.

We'll never know.

Monday, 8 November 2010

It is time.

Post written by alter ego, again.

OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG BLACK OPS IS BEING RELEASED TOMORROW HOLY SHITCAKES POTATO LOLCAT SHATING BRIX MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER MOTHER FUCKER

OMFG




Stfu, of course I know it's been released in black markets everywhere including Saudi Arabia and almost everyone has it. But I am still psyched for the official release.

It will probably be another fail, since Treyarch has the annoying habit of fucking up sequels of epic games. But then again, Infinity Ward totally fucked up Modern Warfare 2, too. Any PC promod player who didn't boycott Modern Warfare 2 is a sick fuck in my humble opinion. 

And if e-sports teams, especially [R]eason, Tek-9 and eSuba, move to Black Ops because it is professional-playing-worthy, I will tactically insert myself into my own asshole.  

Fans of Mazirini who think Carrera Rapida is better than Play with Soul [Mazadox] should go back to playing Halo 3. Seriously, who could hate the Mazirini vs D1ablo 1-on-1 in the beginning? (D1ablo should've won though. Lucky son of a-). And Mazirini has officially surpassed Katha as my new favourite frag movie editor, since he uses 3DS Max instead of Lightwave 3D and actually knows how to import and animate the pre-rendered CoD4 models, not to mention that the name's of Katha's movies always have something to do with young hot girls (Jailbait <- I KNOW RIGHT, WTF? And She looked 16 <- SRSLY?!). Moreover, I just found out Mazirini is extremely good-looking (no homo). 

Wait, fuck, Black Ops will probably not even run on my laptop. I hope my elder brother is putting his Alienware M11x (OMG ORGASM) to good use. FUCK MAN. FUCK.

Oh well.

Take it away, Eminem!


Sunday, 7 November 2010

River of Brakelights

I normally wouldn't post song lyrics on a post, but:

Like batteries we die, like rivers we dry
We fuel and recharge, that's humans and cars
My fun, my sun, be my homework done
Where did you go, you were my ride home.

Julian Casablancas is hot. If I were gay, I'd do him.

Earth Easter Eggs.

Since I have this obsession of discovering and exploring small island cities around the globe, I thought it would be a cool idea to open up Google Earth and do some spying of my own.


First off, we have a small piece of land, shaped somewhat like a cowboy boot, south-east of Japan and north of Papua New Guinea, called Guam. The aerial view looks pretty amazing:



I wonder what the people are like there, and if there are people that have their names starting with a question mark. 

-

Next, we have Fiji, a remote island north-north-east of New Zealand. Talk about being in the extreme east. 

Primo: Hi. Where are you from?
Secondo: Germany. You?
Primo: Fiji.
Secondo: Where on Earth is that?!
Primo: North-east of New Zealand!
Secondo: Sweet grandmother's spatula! I thought New Zealand was the edge of the world?!
Primo: :D!

Also, the trains there look like this:


Fun!

-

Finally, we have the Pitcairn Islands. Located in the very middle of the Pacific Ocean, this place is so remote I'd be surprised if this place was shown in an ordinary world map. Also, with a population of just 50, it is the land with the least number of inhabitants on earth. How awesome is that?

Teacher: How many friends do you have?
Student: I know every single person on this country personally! :D

Location of the place on Google Earth:


And zooming in the only place of multiple housing I could find was this:


This is just epic win. These people are winners for living in a place like this. Where do they get the food? Do they go to school? Do they even know what internet is? Have they ever played Call of Duty? And if so, can they beat me in it? We will never know.

And are there even any animals there? 
Speaking of animals. I recently came across a caterpillar, and being the sick, twisted failure of a nature lover that I am, I picked it up to examine it closely when its toxic hair stung the shit out of me. And since the strands of hair get stuck to your skin when you're stung, the only way to get them off is by scotch tape, which multiplies the pain. It hurts bad folks, real bad.

Thank you for joining me in my advanced stalking of remote villages.

Until then, cheers!

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Among Trolleys and Men.

I recently came across a thought experiment that revolves around ethics.

Behold, The Trolley Problem:

A trolley is running uncontrollably down a track. You can't stop it. On the track, at a distance, 5 people are tied down. There is no way you can free them. But there is a switch that, when you pull it, changes the track of the trolley away from the 5 people. But tied on the other track is another person. The question: Do you pull the switch because the loss of one life is better than five?

In other news, I am absolutely in love with this song.


The lyrics are terrible and the intro seems clich├ęd, yet I'm listening to it.

Music will always be the biggest enigma x_x.

The pinnacle of true epic.

This post will not be written by Talz, but his alter ego who doesn't have a name yet. He takes over Talz's body when his mind has been bombarded by video games. Warning: He tends to cuss a lot.

As you nubs may or may not know, I believe movies in video games are more emotionally powerful than Hollywood movies. Also, I like making lists and shit. They are fun. So I am making a list of the most epic cut scenes/movies in video gaming history.

Along with their Youtube links, in no particular order:


I am a CoD4 addict, and there is a reason behind it. Those fucking geniuses at Infinity Ward really know how to emotionally rape you. I died a little inside when Griggs (the black guy) tried to pull us but then gets shot after a while. But it was easy to hold myself together. But seriously, when they killed Gaz... FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU- The only soldier who actually has a sense of humor during battle and he's the first one to be shot at point blank by IMRAM ZAKHAEV HIMSELF?! MOTHER FUCKER! Why couldn't we die in his place, dammit?! And then Captain Price (The dude who slides us his pistol) dies too? THE GUY WHO WEARS A COWBOY HAT INSTEAD OF A HELMET WHEN IN WAR ALSO DIES. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. D:

Gaz: I got it, door's coming online, sir.
*Door opens extremely slow*
Griggs: Oh you've gotta be shittin' me!
Captain Price: Gaz, can't you make it open faster?
Gaz: Negative, but you can try pulling on it if it makes you feel better, sir.
Captain Price: Cheeky bastard...

Gaz, I will miss you old friend, and the time you praised my fruit-killing skills when I melee'd that watermelon with my knife.

*After releasing Griggs from captivity*
Griggs: It's about time, I was starting to think you guys were gonna leave me behind.
Captain Price: That was my first thought, but your arse had all the C4.

Griggs and Price, you both will be missed, too.

SPOILER: PRICE IS REVEALED TO BE ALIVE IN MODERN WARFARE 2 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


It seems the makers of the Call of Duty series like to end their games with high doses of epic. What's funny is that they are actually successful in doing so. Ignoring the fact that the guy who shoots us survived THREE FUCKING WAVES OF HEAVY ARTILLERY BOMBARDMENT RIGHT ON HIS FUCKING FACE, this scene got me to the edge of my seat. The way Reznov cuts down that flag is SO AWESOME, I could just watch it again and again. 

Reznov: You can make it my friend... you always survive.
You won't get what he means by that until you play the game, but that line is just SEXY.


The Final Fantasy series has the ability to give you multiple orgasms in EVERY GOD DAMN CUT SCENE THERE IS. No game character can ever live up to the standard of awesome that Zack was in. He's a fucking legend. I was emotionally attached to him from the beginning. Then BAM, he dies. Zack. Dies. FUCK. His ridiculously huge sword will be remembered for eternity and will be passed on to generations.

Random Youtube User: when zack die i crying ten minute.


Very few people have heard of this game. But it is by far the best fucking game to have ever been invented. This game is exactly why the Playstation 1 beats all it's successors. Back then, games actually had vast amounts of imagination poured into them. It's all about the graphics these days. And to think this game spanned FOUR FUCKING DISCS on the Playstation 1. I have never seen a game that long. AWESOME.

Most of you might not understand what exactly happens, but this scene had me close to tears (probably because I was around ten years old) back then. Lloyd. The traitor. The bastard. He HAD to be the one who would kill Lavitz, and with a FUCKING DRAGON BUSTER, WHAT A GAY SWORD MAN COME ON. If Dart (the one in red armour) died, I would've had no problem, even though he's the main protagonist. And this happens back when you're only in disc one. WTF are we supposed to do without Lavitz in the next three discs? Jeez. Fuck. 

Dart: LAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! (No homo)


Yes, another scene from the same game. I just can't stress it enough, this game is pure pwnage. This happens in disc 3. Yeah, we're hunting the bastard who killed our best friend for 2 discs and we finally confront him. I was excited as FUCK to see Dart having the balls to try and mutilate the bastard after all he had done. But no, some BITCH (who Lloyd had previously saved from a bunch of bandits just because she was a hot princess) had to come in the way and take the blow. I HOPE THAT SCAR ON YOUR BACK IS PERMANENT.
Nevertheless, this scene is intense. And well, love is beautiful.


This might not actually be a cut scene because we are actually playing the game, but what the heck. This is the part of the game where you go like FUCK MOTHER FUCKER. This is Snake, he's the most badass soldier you'll ever see. And he's been appearing in this series since the first Playstation was invented. That is why he simply cannot die. Even seeing him in a near-death situation is enough to cause a trauma. It might not seem as emotionally disturbing in the video, but when you're actually playing the game, along with the background music and the simultaneous cut scenes above, the feeling is beyond words. Fucking awesome. That is all I can say.

Monday, 25 October 2010

I am Human-Man.

I have a large collection of action figures:


I have Spider-Man.
I have Batman.
I have the Hulk.
I have Luke Skywalker.
I have Zorro.
I have the Transformers.
I have humans.
 
I like to play with humans. See, they have an extra special feature that other action figures do not have. That feature is called reaction. The rest of my action figures do not care how I treat them, but humans do, and it is great entertainment.

But humans are not always the action figures, they can also be the ones playing with them.
 
Do what everyone else is doing - go with the flow - and you become the action figure.
Choose your own direction - break the flow - and you become the one playing with them.
 
It's ok to be different.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

The Chinese Room

People need to stop having intellectual conversations over the internet. Like, seriously.


Tuesday, 5 October 2010

For your entertainment.

That seems like an interesting movie.

I think I might download and watch it tonight.

Oh wait, I think that's illegal.

Well no one from the authorities is watching me.

And the chances of me getting arrested is zero.

I can do anything if no one is watching!

But I didn't steal the dollar note that the man dropped on the pavement the other day.

Obviously, because it wouldn't be right.

But why is my conscience not kicking in now?

Maybe it's because I'm in the comfort and privacy of my own room.

Or maybe because everyone is doing it.

Enough pondering and let the entertainment begin!

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Ten.

Ah, music, what my life would've been without it is not a question to be asked.
Below is a list of ten of the greatest songs played during my childhood, along with the stories behind them.

10. The Beatles - Twist and shout

Played for the first time during a cousin's birthday party in which I was being forced by my mom to dance with a pretty girl, this song has been one of my all time favourites ever since. Sometimes singing the lyrics out into the world when no one's watching, it might take an eternity before the song is forgotten.

9. America - Horse with no name

There is something about simple repetitive strumming of an acoustic throughout an entire song that is just so addicting. This was the song played the most when we used to travel from Riyadh to Dammam. What's more is that the lyrics could be related to a person travelling on foot inside Saudi Arabia. While peering out the window into the endless desert, this song could be imagined being played in the background even when it was not being played on the car radio player.

8. AC/DC - TNT

Included in the soundtrack of a video game I used to play, this track immediately stood out from the others. It was also the song that led me to falling in love with this band. Listening to it now reminds me of when this song was sung together by us brothers while playing its multi-player. Oh the sibling rivalry.

7. Bob Seger - Old time rock n' roll

Rock and roll, just like the old times. Performed by an artist who's face was strikingly similar to one of my uncle's, this great song has been chained to my mind for God knows how long. One of the songs I used to love to listen to with my dad, it can only be referred to as a classic.

6. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Down on the corner

Sometimes a song is played which you simple cannot resist singing along with. This is one of those songs. With a catchy melody and simple lyrics, this was one of the songs that would be played over and over and over again until someone from the family finally lost it.

5. Billy Joel - The entertainer

Billy Joel, my idol back then. Knew every single one of his songs in those days. The entertainer is by far one of his best. The rhymes being so ridiculously fun to listen to they could be compared with the greatest of nursery rhymes, this song should not be missed.

4. Smash Mouth - All star

While not old enough to be considered a classic, this amazing song would be heard on almost every animated TV show I would watch. No matter how old you are, listening to this will bring you back to the good old days when there were no responsibilities, when you were a kid.

3. Foreigner - Jukebox hero

Unique in almost every way you can imagine, this song is where I experienced my first ever spontaneous head-bang. It talks about an individual, who has never touched a guitar, buying one, practicing how to play it and ultimately transforming into a 'Jukebox hero'. Very motivational and a great tune.

2. Harry Chapin - Cats in the cradle

Referred to as the 'greatest song of all time' by my dad, this song will without a doubt be with me till my very last day. Mostly about the lyrics and less about the music, listening to it from the beginning to the end just once is enough to bring a tear to your eye. Cats in the cradle is simply one of a kind.

1. Europe - The final countdown

Maybe it's the perfect syth intro, maybe it's the powerful chorus, or maybe it's the surprisingly fast solo near the end that makes this song one of the best, if not the best song to have ever been written. Ever. Back when cassettes were used instead of CDs, I actually stole the tape from my dad's collection so I could play it on my Walkman cassette player which I got for my birthday. Listening to just a few bits of this song gives 'the feeling'. When left alone in the car, I would always be found listening to this song on max while staring blankly into space. The epic-est of the epic, The Final Countdown is the song that defines my childhood.

Monday, 15 February 2010

The naked truth.

[Don't read if you're under 16, or if you can't handle sexual talk]

It's 1:30am, I'm supposed to be asleep and I have an exam in a few hours. But I just feel compelled to ask you this one question:

Why are people offended by nudity so much more than they are by violence?

Set all the religious reasons aside. It just doesn't make sense. Consider it this way; we all get to, errr, do 'that', at least once in our lives when we're the suitable age. They're our own bodies, it's all natural. But most of us don't get to brutally beat a living person now, do we?

An example: I'm watching TV. The scenario is very frightening. Strange creatures are attacking a woman. She has her limbs torn off, neck twisted 270 degrees and her internal organs ripped out straight through her chest. The whole scene is depicted in an extremely graphic way. My parents walk in, they see what's on, make a disgusted face and walk away.

I'm watching TV once again. This time, the scenario is quite peaceful. A woman is in her bedroom, she's changing her clothes. They show her slowly take off her clothes, and then her undergarments. Her entire body is shown. At this point, my parents walk in. What would their reaction be? And why?

Don't you see the irony?

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Oh, so fruity.

My dad brings oranges,

I like oranges,

Sometimes they have no seeds inside,

I eat 5, daily with pride,

But sometimes seeds are concealed within,

I eat none, for the win.

-

That is all.


Friday, 5 February 2010

Beta ye mera aik customer hai.

My parents have returned. The house is peaceful now. Hooray.

-

Man. I really like my dad. He knows everyone. no matter what country we're in, he's bound to run into someone he knows personally.

Summer 2003: Dubai. We're in the Wild Wadi water park. We're taking a break, having slushies, when my dad notices another guy on the nearby table. Soon, we're all sitting on the same table, talking and laughing. He was with his wife, and his wife was in a bikini. Awkward, I know.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2004: Thailand. We're eating pineapple pizza (we had no choice) in The Pizza Company restaurant. A guy passes by us, steps back, and greets us. And for the next 10 minutes he's sitting on our table gossiping with my dad. The next day, we go to his house. He has a son who's name was too unusual for me to remember.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2004: Singapore. We're in a science museum of some sort. Me and my dad are putting our hands inside a man-made tornado because we think it's fun. A guy grabs my dad by the shoulder and jerks him around. Suddenly, there's a lot of laughing.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Winter 2008: Bahrain. We're getting ready for a paint ball war. I'm putting on my armour. My brothers are ready. I'm ready. But dad is missing. We wait 5 minutes, then go out to see him chatting with a stranger. We are introduced to him. The next day, we go Go-karting with him.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Summer 2009: Malaysia. We're praying in a random mosque on a small street. When the namaz is over, the guy behind me calls to my dad. They shake hands, and suddenly they're exchanging words for 10 minutes.

When asked who he was, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera aik customer hai."

Today: Riyadh. We're in the food court of the Faisaliyah Mall. Suddenly a dude shows up with 2 shorter dudes and shakes hands with all of us. They sit down with us, and there is constant talking for ONE WHOLE HOUR.

When asked who they were, my dad replied: "Beta ye mera customers hain."

So that's my dad, Gulfguard international sales manager. Travelling the world, meeting new people.

Also, I find it strange that this never happens when we're in Pakistan.

Hmmm.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Junk food fo' life.

...

...

...

... Sorry followers, I have to eat my Big Mac. I shall blog after a while.

*5 minutes later*

I have been eating nothing but junk food for the past 5 days. My parents left for Pakistan on Sunday to attend a wedding. Did you know that I haven't been to a wedding for 15 years? I'm not even exaggerating.

So yeah. Everyday, I have to get my ass off the chair where I sit doing nothing and go to some fast food restaurant to get the healthiest, most nutritional type of food ever created in existence. Fried, extremely oily, and packed with enough Cholesterol to give 3 octogenarians a heart attack in 3 seconds. The simple fried chicken burger.

But who wants chicken? Try fried beef! Not satisfied? Try fried fish! Or why not, a shawarma? I have been having all these for lunch and dinner for the past 5 days. And nothing else.

Junk food fo' life man.

I have brothers to take care of too. Sucks. Yeah. Responsibilities... *Sigh*

I've taken the position of my parents. Both of them.

From my father's side, I have to go out to get the groceries, I have to go to Mobily to pay our cellphone bills, and I have to settle the issue of our driver living with another driver in the same room... Hah. Wait, nevermind.

From my mother's side, I have to wash the dishes, I have to iron our clothes, and I have to do the frikkin laundry. Do you have any idea what that's like? Don't even say anything, you probably don't. Unless if you're a girl.

The bright side. I finally get to understand what my parents have to go through almost every single day of their lives. Just for their children. We are a family of 7. We are 2 parents, 4 brothers and 1 sister. How many families do you know personally with this amount of people? It gets tough. Real tough. But we all manage to go through.

All the trouble we cause for our parents just by existing here, on earth. I understand. I understand all of it. If only they knew about it.

Respect. They deserve respect. A lot of it. It's time I give it to them.





Saturday, 30 January 2010

Hyphen Underscore Hyphen

It's been a great week. Musical, rather.

Yeah.

But all good things come to an end, don't they?

-_-

I've been depressed lately. I don't know why. We all have our mood swings, I guess. I've started to argue a lot with my parents. Quite pointless, really. I question so many things, things that people can't answer, things that people can't ever answer. Don't blame me, I get motivated by the strangest of things.

"Question everything" - Discovery Science Channel.

Enough of that, I'm not depressed anymore. Not this day, atleast.

Don't you just hate it when you're sad and another person tries to cheer you up, the very next day you feel great but the other person starts feeling down? Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't hate my life, even though it's not perfect.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

Wise, but I don't particularly believe life is short. It's long enough. Long enough to right your wrongs. Long enough to actually make something out of it. Long enough to be able to reach your goals before you reach the end.

The end.

The end isn't near, unless you want it to be.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Back in business.

Oh yes. Oh yes. Yes indeed! It is I, Talz, blogging again. But, alas, i have nothing interesting to talk about at this very moment.

I have my last re-sit tomorrow. I shall start with my first real post tomorrow! But enough of that, let's talk business, and I mean business:

Hammad Ali (Also known as @Hamster41).

You probably don't know him. But, Hammad Ali, is absolutely, positively AWESOME. That is the sole purpose of this blog. That is the reason I have brought my in-depth physics studying to a grinding halt. THAT is the reason I am typing write now even though my fingers are shaking and covered in blood (Not really, just for dramatic effect). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is true. Awesomeness has reached new heights. Kudos to you my friend. You have broken the laws of... everything.

My dear followers, if you are reading this, spread the word. Spread it like you spread butter on your toast. Spread it like DeeDee spreads her magic dust over Riyadh in the morning. Spread it like you've never spread anything before.

Awesome.